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CHAPTER II
MY FIRST ATTEMPT TO BE CURED
I can remember very clearly the positive fear which always accompanied a visit to our friends or neighbors, or the advent of visitors at my home. Many a time I did not have what I desired to eat because I was afraid to ask for it. When I did ask, every eye was turned on me, and the looks of the strangers, with now and then a half-suppressed smile, worked me up to a nervous state that was almost hysterical, causing me to stutter worse than at any other time.
At one time—I do not remember what the occasion was—a number of people had come to visit us. A large table had been set and loaded with good things. We sat down, the many dishes were passed around the table, as was the custom at our home, and I said not a word. But before long the first helping was gone—a hungry boy soon cleans his plate—and I was about to ask for more when I bethought myself. “Please pass—” I could never do it—“p” was one of the hard sounds for me. “Please pass—” No, I couldn’t do it. So busying myself with the things that were near at hand and helping myself to those things which came my way, I made out the meal— but I got up from the table hungry and with a deeper consciousness of the awfulness of my affliction. Slowly it began to dawn on me that as long as I stammered I was doomed to do without much of the world’s goods. I began to see that although I might for a time sit at the World’s Table of Good Things in Life I could hope to have little save that which someone passed on to me gratuitously.